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This programme contains
some strong language

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TRAIN RUMBLES

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TANNOY: For the purposes
of safety and security,

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CCTV is in operation
at this station

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and across
all underground lines.

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<font color="

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TANNOY: Ladies and gentlemen,
I've just been informed

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the next station is closed.

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This train will not be stopping
at the next station.

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For God's sake!

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What was that? I missed it.

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We're not stopping
<font color="

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Ah. Thank you so much.

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Do you mind? Sorry, bro.

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I'm just looking at the map.

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Do you know what
the next station's going to be? No.

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I thought I recognised her
<font color="

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The lady with the teeth.

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You'll have to narrow it down,
Gerry.

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She was the maid
or whatever she was.

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What maid?

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There wasn't a maid.
It was set in a shoe factory.

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<font color="
remember all the details.

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She was in Crown Court.

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That was 50 years ago.

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Not Crown Court, The Crown.

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Well, who was she in that?

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I think she was
Princess Margaret.

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Lesley Manville?

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<font color="

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People have to work, Edie.

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We haven't just seen
Lesley Manville

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in an amateur production
of Kinky Boots, Gerry.

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Frig me! Is there a homeless
convention in town this week?

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What?
<font color="

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If you're looking for your dad,
he's over there.

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Don't, Wilm, he can't help it.

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I think he's kind of cute.

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Fine, go ahead
and shag him, then.

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Least you won't have to pay
for his taxi fare home.

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<font color="

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Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

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Very sorry to bother you.

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I hope you're all having
a wonderful evening.

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But as you can probably tell
from my appearance,

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I'm sleeping on the streets
<font color="

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I'm asking if it would be possible
for any of you good people

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to help me out with
a little bit of spare change.

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I'm so embarrassed
to have to ask you like this,

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but I don't have any options
at the moment.

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<font color="
anything you can give

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to help me out
at this difficult time.

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I'm sorry, darling.
I don't have any change.

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No-one does.

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I need a card machine.

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What? No, no, no, no, no.

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<font color="
do that for, bro?

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They can track you
if you use cards.

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Who can? Them, innit?
They're watching us right now.

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No cards, cash only.

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Do you have any cash?

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Uh, no.

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<font color="

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Oh...

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Thank you. Sorry it's not much.

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That's all right,
I appreciate it.

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Every little helps! Yeah?

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Stop it, Edie.
He won't know Tesco's.

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I didn't mean Tesco's.

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<font color="
as a phrase.

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Just don't get involved.

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CLANG

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GROANS

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Oh!

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Jesus! Are you OK?

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Are you OK? You all right, bro?

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Yeah...

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HE GROANS

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<font color="

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WILMA: You are kidding me!

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TANNOY: Very sorry
for the power outage,

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ladies and gentlemen.
Do please sit tight

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while we try and get things
up and running again.

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<font color="

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MAN: I heard some passengers
got stuck in a tunnel

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for two weeks
on the Berlin U-Bahn system.

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Power failed
and they were trapped inside.

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The authorities
couldn't get to them.

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<font color="

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panic slowly setting in.

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Then they ran out of water.

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They turned on each other
in the end.

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The weakest ones got eaten.

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Jesus,
I'd rather eat my own tits

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than chow down
<font color="

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Be like eating a pigeon.
Beg your pardon?

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I mean, my gag reflex is legendary,
but I draw the line at that.

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Stop it!

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SHE LAUGHS

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You should have more respect. Oh,
<font color="

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or I'll put some buttons
in with your change.

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What did you call me?

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SCREAMING

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What is it?
Someone grabbed me.

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GERRY: Who did?

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I don't know. I don't know.

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You all right?
<font color="

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All right. All right.

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They... They pulled my bag
and I dropped it. Sorry.

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Are you hurt?

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No, I don't think so.

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Were they going for
the breasts, do you think?

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Gerald! What? I'm just trying
<font color="

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What's happened now?

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We're not sure.

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It's a sex pest
in the carriage.

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Operates in the dark.

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My purse has gone. Are you sure?

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Yeah, it was in here. I just
had it and now it's gone.

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<font color="
Sex pest and thief.

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Will you stop saying that word?

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What word? Sex pest? Yes!

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Sit down, please.
I've got this.

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OK, young man...

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...empty your pockets.

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What?

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<font color="

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This lady has had
her purse stolen.

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What's that got to do with me?

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I don't know yet.

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Why am I being singled out?

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HE SCOFFS

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I don't mean to be insensitive,

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but you're the only one
<font color="

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That doesn't mean I'm a thief.

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Then empty your pockets. No.

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And she had her breast pinched.
Gerald!

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No, no. No-one did that.

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Poor woman's blotted it out.

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Coping mechanism.

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<font color="

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Honestly, sir, I haven't done
nothing. He doesn't have to

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empty his pockets for you.
You're not the police.

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He might be.

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They put them on trains
undercover. I've seen 'em.

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<font color="
on this carriage.

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In the absence of the law,
I just want to check.

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I'm only trying
to help this lady.

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That's reasonable enough.

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Absolutely it is.

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And if he needs
strip-searching,

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<font color="
latex gloves in me fanny pack.

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She gave me £2.
Why would I rob from her?

154
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Well, that's the oldest trick
in the book. What is?

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You remember what happened
with Sting's accountant?

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<font color="
Scammed him for six mil.

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It's hardly the same thing, Gerry.

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They always start small.

159
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I don't mind
showing you my bags.

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Ah, there you are, you see.

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SHOUTS: Thank you, sir.
It's all perfectly fine.

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<font color="
if you've got nothing to hide.

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Huh?

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BAG RUSTLES

165
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That's great. Thank you.

166
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I do have more.

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That's... HE GASPS ...fine.

168
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Don't you want to check them?

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No, it's OK.

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I trust you.

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<font color="

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WHISPERS: Not plugged in.

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We don't mind being searched,
do we, Edith?

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Well, yes, but...

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Just to rule ourselves out.

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We've been to the theatre.

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We enjoy Gilbert and Sullivan.
<font color="

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Honestly, you don't have to,
it's fine.

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Did you have much money in it?

180
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,200
No, not much.
But all my cards.

181
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,560
Well, don't...don't use cards.

182
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,120
Why will no-one
listen to me about this?

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00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,920
<font color="
which...

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TEARFULLY:
I wouldn't want to lose that.

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Well, look,
I am happy to comply

186
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,720
and show that I haven't got it.

187
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Edith? Edith.

188
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One...

189
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This is just a car coat,

190
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<font color="

191
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and there is nothing
in my handbag.

192
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Well, two apple cores.

193
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CLEARS HIS THROAT

194
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You see?

195
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That's what honest,
decent citizens do.

196
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Now...

197
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...are you going to let me
<font color="

198
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Thank you.

199
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Wasn't so hard, was it?

200
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Speak for yourself, darling.
I found it quite erotic.

201
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,720
Don't be so childish.

202
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,440
Well, I bet you've never tried
to keep a tuck with a semi on.

203
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,600
Shall I speak to the driver?

204
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<font color="
there's been an incident.

205
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Good idea. Proper authorities.

206
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,360
What about your pockets,
Chief Inspector?

207
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,080
Can we look in them?

208
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,600
Yes.

209
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,760
Of course.

210
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,480
You see?

211
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,120
No-one is above the law.

212
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,080
<font color="
without consequences.

213
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,760
That's true. I snipped our
neighbour's hydrangeas back

214
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,880
and they planted bamboo
out of spite.

215
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,880
The drive's ruined, isn't it,
Gerry?

216
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,040
I'm afraid so.

217
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,560
<font color="

218
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,080
and now we live
with the encroachment.

219
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:11,000
Shafts of it poking through
the tarmac like Hydra's teeth!

220
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,880
Have you tried boiling water?

221
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,920
Of course we have!
It can't be stopped!

222
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,040
Sorry.

223
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,760
<font color="

224
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,160
Highton Grammar.
I'm a physics teacher.

225
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,400
No, no, no, I don't trust him.

226
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,400
He's been spying on us
the whole time.

227
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,680
Don't be ridiculous.

228
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:30,160
Yeah. You've been writing stuff
down about us in code.

229
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,480
<font color="

230
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,720
Yeah! Look -
"actor", "fake", "taskforce".

231
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:35,880
It's a puzzle.

232
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,560
You have to make words
from the letters they give you.

233
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,520
Oh, I'm good at those,
let me see.

234
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,400
You're collating.
I see you collating.

235
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,440
<font color="

236
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,560
Data. For them.
There's a bigger picture, yeah?

237
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,160
Yeah, we're all being
monitored. You must know that.

238
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,600
Yes! It's aliens.

239
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,040
I've seen them too.

240
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:58,320
They experimented on me
at a bus stop in Preston.

241
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,120
<font color="

242
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,840
To scale, obviously.

243
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,360
He's not joking.

244
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,880
How do you know?

245
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,280
He's got it in that bag.

246
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:22,640
Oh, my God.

247
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,760
Speaking of bags,
can we see inside yours?

248
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,320
Definitely not.

249
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,000
Private property.

250
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,440
<font color="

251
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,120
Why not?

252
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,800
What have you got to hide?

253
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,560
Oi, fuck off, man.

254
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,640
I'm so sorry.

255
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,840
I...I didn't mean to cause
this much upset.

256
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,920
Don't worry,
it's not your fault.

257
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,680
<font color="

258
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,720
I've never had
anything stolen before.

259
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,360
Well, I'm sure the police
can sort it all out.

260
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,680
We'll make a statement,
won't we, Gerry? Yes, of course.

261
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,440
I'm sorry, but I'm not saying
<font color="

262
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,680
I wouldn't trust them
as far as I could throw them.

263
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,280
Hardly surprising, is it?

264
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,680
Why'd you say that?

265
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,000
Oh, no reason.

266
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,640
No, go on.
If you've got something to say,

267
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,040
I think you should say it.

268
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,400
<font color="
for 25 years.

269
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,800
I've seen the erosion
of respect for authority.

270
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,040
There was a time when
I would walk into a classroom

271
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,640
and 30 students
would stand up immediately.

272
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,200
Oh, is that what you want?

273
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,760
<font color="

274
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,360
This lady is a nurse!

275
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,040
It wasn't so long ago

276
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,520
we were standing in the street
applauding their efforts.

277
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,080
Or maybe you never bothered?

278
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,520
No, maybe I never did.

279
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,520
Do you have a list of everyone
who banged a pan?

280
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,000
<font color="
They see everything.

281
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,240
We were out there at least
three times, weren't we, Edith?

282
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,480
Although that Le Creuset
was bloody heavy.

283
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,480

that a victim must be found

284
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,360

<font color="

285
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:04,440

who may well be underground

286
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,400

would be missed

287
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,400


288
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,800


289
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,040
I'm cold
it's like Hamilton for hobos.

290
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,400
<font color="

291
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,920

flabby hands

292
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,760


293
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,800

up in dates and floor you...

294
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,560
Thank you, darling.
We'll let you know.

295
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,480

<font color="

296
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,440
All right! All right,
let's stop playing silly buggers.

297
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,600
Open the bag. No.

298
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,160
Well, I'm afraid
I'm going to have to insist,

299
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,920
because you were closest
to this lady

300
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,200
<font color="
Stay the fuck away from me.

301
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,520


302
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,680
If... If I could make a suggestion?

303
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:43,240
Let's take a vote.
See what the general feeling is.

304
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,400
Very good, Edith.

305
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,000
Democracy manifest.

306
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,720
Everyone who thinks...

307
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,760
<font color="
I didn't catch your name.

308
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,080
I didn't give you my name.

309
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,640
Well, we could vote
on whether he should.

310
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,280
No, he doesn't have
to give us his name, it's fine.

311
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,160
Harold. My name's Harold.

312
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,800
Oh, hello, Harold.

313
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,920
<font color="
is my husband, Gerry.

314
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:04,960
Hello.

315
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,600
Binks. Raymond Binks.

316
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,160
I'm Elena.

317
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,840
It's very nice to meet you all.

318
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,880
Well, my boy name is Jonathan -
urgh, gives me the ick -

319
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,360
but my drag name

320
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:18,880
<font color="

321
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,120
Dickshow. Right.

322
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,720
I do a bottomless brunch
first Thursday of every month

323
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,920
at the Purple Sock. I know -

324
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,480
I'll put you all
on the guest list.

325
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,600
Gerry and Edith. Elena.
<font color="

326
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,160
I'm not giving you my name,
all right?

327
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,600
Oh, damn it. I thought
I was going to Columbo him then.

328
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,800
He doesn't have to give you
his name. He doesn't have to

329
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,000
give you anything. Just because
you assume authority,

330
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,960
<font color="
that you are.

331
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,720
Well, when the police
become involved,

332
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,240
we'll all have to
give our names, won't we?

333
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,040
I won't. You tell him, Cleo...
Oh, bum cheeks!

334
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,640
All right, this has gone on long
<font color="

335
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,280
who thinks I shouldn't look
inside this young man's bag,

336
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,280
by force, if necessary? Yes!

337
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,480
Come on.

338
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,720
Well, someone's
nicked her purse, darling,

339
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,000
and it wasn't me.

340
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,640
There you are, see?

341
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,400
<font color="

342
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,680
What you doing, man?

343
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,720
Is no-one going to stand up to him?
Give it to me.

344
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,560
Someone stop him!

345
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,240
TANNOY: Me again, folks.

346
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,680
Sorry about
the continuing loss of power.

347
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,400
<font color="
fairly shortly.

348
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,040
We are aware
there's been an incident

349
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,280
in one of the carriages,

350
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,320
and the proper authorities
have been informed.

351
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,520
Once again,

352
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,720
I apologise for
any inconvenience caused.

353
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,000
<font color="
please?

354
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,040
Oh, yes.
I got "frock", unsurprisingly,

355
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,520
and "fork".

356
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,080
I wanted "cock"...

357
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,720
...but there's only one C.

358
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,880
Did you know
that "Meryl Streep"

359
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,560
is an anagram
<font color="

360
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,560
It's always tickled me.

361
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,800
What did the driver say?

362
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,240
He said there's a replacement
service on the way.

363
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,720
Shouldn't be long now.

364
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,040
Well, looks as though
I'm going to be late for work.

365
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,600
HE SCOFFS

366
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,120
<font color="

367
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,040
My job's 24/7.

368
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,360
Your job?

369
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,640
COINS RATTLE

370
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,640
Surviving.

371
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,560
Do you make much money
going up and down?

372
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,880
No.

373
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,720
People are just embarrassed.
I get it.

374
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,320
<font color="

375
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,160
It puts them in the position
of deciding to be kind or not.

376
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,920
Do you think people
are not kind?

377
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,560
I think most people
don't believe me

378
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,560
when I tell them
I've got nothing.

379
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,720
<font color="
I'm just lying.

380
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,520
At the hospital,
I see the opposite.

381
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,360
Lots of frightened people
trying to make sense

382
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,880
of what's happening to them.

383
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,320
They just really want to know

384
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,200
that everything's
<font color="

385
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,640
..sometimes they can't
accept the truth.

386
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,240
Here...

387
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,920
You can have your £2 back.

388
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,360
Oh, no, no. You keep that.

389
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,360
Are you sure?
Hmm. Yeah, course.

390
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,760
Hope it brings you luck.

391
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,560
Says here
<font color="

392
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,200
for their Christmas show.
Shall we book for that, Edie?

393
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,080
Boxing Day treat? Hmm?

394
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,080
Shall we book Salad Days
for Christmas?

395
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,640
No. I don't want to see
Salad Days.

396
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,080
What's the matter?

397
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,080
<font color="

398
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,720
Who? The teacher.

399
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,800
Why do we always
let people like him bully us?

400
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,480
We're people in our own right.

401
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,800
We have our own opinions.

402
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,200
Yes, of course we do, but
we don't have to blurt them out

403
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,400
<font color="
do we?

404
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,360
I don't know. I think we just
sunk into ourselves.

405
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,600
Anything for a quiet life.

406
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,960
Well, there's nothing wrong
with that, is there?

407
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,880
What happened to you, Gerald?

408
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,560
You used to be such a firebrand.

409
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,600
<font color="
that trouble at work,

410
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,280
you were the first one
to lead your team out on strike.

411
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,160
Standing there with your
whistle and your megaphone.

412
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,800
That was a long time ago, Edie.

413
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,040
I came and brought you soup.

414
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,440
Do you remember?

415
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,720
<font color="

416
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,040
And we all sang that song
from Oliver!

417
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,840
Food Glorious Food.

418
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,000
What is it, love?

419
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,080
What's the matter?

420
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,160
I want more, Gerry.

421
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,760
I want more!

422
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,480
MUSIC THROUGH HEADPHONES

423
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,560
Here, it's your favourite.

424
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:41,320
<font color="
(Taylor's Version) (From the Vault).

425
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,000
What?

426
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,160
You're not going to have an eppy

427
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,360
because I didn't
put my hand up, are you?

428
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,320
I can't believe
you'd let him get away with that.

429
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,920
Oh, Cleo, come down
<font color="

430
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,240
It's exhausting.

431
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,080
He assaulted
those two young men.

432
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,080
Yeah, and we had front-row seats.

433
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,560
Lucky us.

434
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,240
It's not every day
you get a free sex show

435
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:03,520
on your train ride home, is it?

436
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,760
<font color="
for OnlyFans -

437
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,920
The Teacher, The Tramp
And The Terrorist.

438
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,120
He's not a terrorist.
Why is he a terrorist?

439
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,400
He was clinging onto that bag

440
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,080
tighter than Judy Finnegan
to a wine glass.

441
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,040
<font color="

442
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,880
to hide his face
from the cameras.

443
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,320
Not everyone with a bag and
a beard is a terrorist, Wilma.

444
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,920
Yeah, and not everyone

445
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,840
who tapes their knob
to their arsehole

446
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,200
is a drag queen but... You know.

447
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,560
<font color="

448
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,640
Where are you heading to?

449
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,000
None of your business, man.

450
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,080
You didn't seem
to know the area, that's all.

451
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,040
Look, I'm not explaining myself
to you. I'm not on trial,

452
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,560
I'm not at school.
<font color="

453
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,760
"The lady doth protest
too much, methinks."

454
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,040
Shakespeare.

455
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,400
Well, they're sending
somebody to help us.

456
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,760
Maybe we should just wait.

457
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,240
Yeah.

458
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,480
HOMELESS MAN: Well, I believe him.

459
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,560
<font color="

460
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,840
Not you. Him. Oh.

461
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,160
That's not a particularly
glowing endorsement

462
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,800
coming from a common thief.

463
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,680
I'm not a thief.

464
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,120
Crawling up and down
the train carriage all day,

465
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,920
begging for change!

466
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,120
<font color="
to the bone!

467
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,640
Shut your mouth!

468
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,840
I'm with you. Someone's got to
stand up to the man.

469
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,360
Exactly.
And he's been lording it

470
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,360
over us this whole time
like he's better than us.

471
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,360
Well, you're not!
<font color="

472
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,480
can sit there and do nothing

473
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,560
but I'm taking
affirmative action.

474
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,120
HE LAUGHS

475
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:26,520
There's still more of us
than there are of you.

476
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,000
No, there isn't.

477
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,920
Excuse me.

478
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,160
Edith, what are you doing?

479
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,440
<font color="

480
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,800
and I don't think it's fair,
what you've been doing.

481
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,840
Look, look, look.
I want another vote.

482
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,320
If the majority of people
want to see inside this bag,

483
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,840
then you can, and I won't stop you.

484
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,960
Good, because I do.

485
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:51,080
<font color="

486
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,160
and then prove that I'm right.

487
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,680
Gerald?

488
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:00,880
I agree.

489
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,480
Elena?

490
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,280
Sorry.

491
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,560
And...

492
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,800
...this gentleman?

493
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,720
Oh, my gosh,
it's come all down to me.

494
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,000
<font color="

495
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,440
Who do I choose?

496
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,040
Ickle, ockle, chocolate bottle,
ickle, ockle, out,

497
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,960
turn the dirty dishcloth
inside out.

498
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,200
Everything's just
a big fucking joke

499
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,440
to you, isn't it, Jonathan?

500
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,800
<font color="

501
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,000
You can't see through
all those fake lashes and mascara

502
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,440
that here, in the real world,

503
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,040
there is injustice happening
everywhere you look.

504
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,080
And if you thought about
anybody else but yourself

505
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,880
for at least 30 seconds,
<font color="

506
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,880
Oh, I know all about
the real world,

507
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,200
Cleopatra, darling.

508
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,520
I've been laughed at, beaten up,

509
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,920
had dog shit
pushed through my letterbox.

510
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,320
There's no need
to tell me about injustice.

511
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,360
<font color="
and lip-sync to Lady Gaga,

512
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,600
then that's just
my way of dealing with it,

513
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,360
all right? Just like yours

514
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,240
is rebelling against
your posh-as-fuck upbringing

515
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,080
by getting a little nose-ring
and tottering after me

516
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,720
<font color="
that you are.

517
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,400
I'm with you, Daddy.

518
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,320
When did you get so mean?

519
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,640
Blessed are the mean,

520
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,960
for they will inherit
the earth.

521
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,720
CLANKING

522
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:50,160
Blessed are those who hunger
<font color="

523
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,640
for they will be killed.

524
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,200
Hey, you can look inside now.

525
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,240
Blessed are the merciful,

526
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,080
for they will be shown no mercy.

527
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,480
What is this?

528
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,400
Blessed are
the pure in heart...

529
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:15,560
..for they will see...God.

530
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,200
<font color="

531
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,520
Gerry?

532
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,080
Put them on.
You've got about 20 seconds.

533
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,960
Harold and I don't need them.

534
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,960
What's happening, Gerry?

535
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,480
It's all right, Edie.
Deep breaths.

536
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,560
It doesn't hurt.

537
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,960
HISSING

538
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,080
<font color="

539
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,080
MUFFLED CRIES FOR HELP

540
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,040
HISSING CONTINUES

541
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,040
EDITH: Gerry!

542
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,320
Help us!

543
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,880
Help!

544
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,400
EDITH: Gerry!

545
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,040
COUGHING AND GASPING

546
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:24,880
Gerry!

547
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,800
HISSING STOPS

548
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,440
<font color="

549
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,440
Sorry about the inconvenience.

550
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,680
The purse was just
an inciting incident.

551
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,920
Oh, you can take these off now.
It's fine.

552
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,800
INHALES SHARPLY

553
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,000
It's fine.

554
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,720
No hard feelings, eh?

555
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,600
W-What's going on?

556
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,320
<font color="
from time to time.

557
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,120
Swap out the disruptors,

558
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,400
anybody who challenges
the status quo.

559
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,200
But you all have
nothing to worry about.

560
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,640
What do you mean?

561
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,200
Now, if you could just sign here.

562
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,840
<font color="
took no part in today's events

563
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,560
as they never actually happened.

564
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,000
Oh, and tick the box if you'd
be interested in helping us

565
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,480
in the future.
We really need people like you,

566
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,120
Elena, actually.

567
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,640
<font color="

568
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,840
Thanks.

569
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,320
Great.

570
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,000
What about these people?

571
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,720
Well, you can see them.

572
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,600
They're right here.

573
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,040
Only now, like you...

574
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,960
WHISPERS: ..they wouldn't say
boo to a goose.

575
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,080
<font color="

576
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,040
Oh, that's right, sir.

577
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,320
Great. Great.

578
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,320
TANNOY CHIMES

579
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,640
We do apologise for the delay

580
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,320
in your replacement service
today.

581
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,600
This was due to an earlier
disruption on the line

582
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,040
<font color="

583
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,520
We do hope you have
a safe onwards journey.

584
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,480
Hey, guys. Um,
just three people today,

585
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,720
two females and a male.

586
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,680
Yep, great.

587
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,000
Edith?

588
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,200
Yes?

589
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:30,560
When we get home, shall we
<font color="

590
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,120
Yes, I think we should.

591
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:35,880
TANNOY: If you see something
that doesn't look right,

592
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:41,480
speak to staff or text British
Transport Police on 61016

593
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,280
and we'll sort it.

594
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,480
See it.

595
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,720
Say it.

596
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:49,920
<font color="